SEX, the three letter word that spins the world around and RAPE, the four letter word that shakes the world like a curse or pandemic. Two very different words yet similar in action and producing very different outcomes. One gives pleasure and satisfaction when done properly and within required boundaries. It creates, unites and brings everlasting love to families. The other causes pain, hurt, discord/division, devastation and stigma to families.
 
Two very different words, similar in kind, world apart in impact. How can two similar actions produce such different outcomes? This is what we hope to decipher in this edition of our newsletter.
 
The discourse on sex is a very sensitive one yet the word has recently become of household use. It is either used circumspectly by moralists, teachers of faith and parents or wildly by entertainers and liberalists.
The word ‘sex’ is defined as:
A category into which sexually-reproducing organisms are divided on the basis of their reproductive roles in their specie. In other words, it is used to distinguish between the male and female biology i.e. the difference between the male and female genitalia.
Sexual activity, usually sexual intercourse which typically involves the insertion of the male organ (Penis) into the female organ (Vagina) for sexual pleasure, reproduction or both.  This is also known as vaginal sex or intercourse. However, there are other forms of penetrative sexual intercourse which do not require the male and female organs. Such forms of intercourse include anal sex, oral sex etc.
For purpose of our discourse, we are focusing on the latter definition of the word, sexual intercourse, from different perspectives.
Morally, sex is regarded as a beautiful expression of love and intimacy between a husband and wife. It is also regarded as the major tool in the art of sexual reproduction. From this viewpoint, sex must be between a man and woman who are legally married. Sex before marriage is regarded as immoral and a sin in most religions. On the flip side though, sex within marriage is very important as it glues marriage, morally, but could also stand as an important factor in addressing the ground for divorce, legally. 
A theologian, Gilbert Meilaender wrote in his book, The Limits of Love, that heterosexual coitus (sexual intercourse between a man and woman) is the act in which human beings are present most fully and give themselves most completely to another.
To a Naturalist, sex is the art of love-making between a man and woman who are in love with each other, and also a means of reproduction.
From the Legal angle, sex is an act that consummates a legal marriage. A Legal Marriage is one contracted in accordance with the Marital Laws (whether Statutory or customary) of a given State or Country as the case may be. Traditionally, marriage is always taken to be between a man and a woman. Contemporarily however, in most nations of the world, the definition of marriage has been expanded to include the union between persons of the same sex. Nevertheless, in both sense, sex is what consummates marriage.

When does sex become rape?
Taking another look at the word ‘sex’ from the different perspectives expressed above, one will deduce that it is a consensual act between adults. What distinguishes sex simpliciter from rape is, consent. Rape is defined by the law as ‘having sexual intercourse with a person without the person’s consent’.  This issue of consent before sex, is the major factor in the recent clamour for laws against marital rape all over the world. While some conservatives kick against the notion, arguing that there cannot be such thing as rape between married couples, many, especially the liberalist, are of the view that once consent is absent, sexual intercourse becomes rape. Sex however, ought to be mutually beneficial; both parties ought to be all in (as captured by Gilbert Meilaender) otherwise it will become harmful and will be termed as rape. Notably, for consent to be valid under the law, it must be given voluntarily without coercion, pressure, inducement or undue influence, and most importantly, by an adult. Sex outside this is rape. Consent by any person below the age recognised by the relevant laws as the age of consent, is invalid. Consent obtained by means of fraud or false pretence is also invalid.
 
The age of consent varies from one country to another, ranging from 12years to 20years.
In Nigeria for instance, though there is no specific stipulation of what the age of consent is, the wordings and gamut of Section 30 of the Child’s Right Act 2003 suggests that the age of consent in Nigeria is 18years. In the United Kingdom, the age of consent is 16 years. Likewise, in the United States of America, depending on the state, the age of consent varies between 16 and 18 years. Under aged sex is illegal under the relevant law. 
 
From the definition of rape by the relevant laws in Nigeria, it can be deduced that rape can only be committed by the male gender against females, with the exception of the ‘Violence Against Persons Prohibition Act’ (VAPP Act), that suggests in Section 1 (1) that rape can be committed by both the male and female gender. In a nutshell, sexual relations with anyone without their consent is a crime known as rape. To the victims of this crime, especially the young girls (and boys), below are steps to take should you find yourself in this unfortunate situation:

STEPS TO TAKE AFTER BEING RAPED
The first thing you need to do is to get yourself to a safe place.
Speak to the first person you come in contact with or a trusted friend or family about what happened and how it happened while it is fresh in your mind. This person can help with the police investigation and serve as a witness in court. They are known as the first contact witness.
Preserve the evidence of the rape. This is done by going straight to the nearest hospital, community health centre or a doctor before cleaning up yourself. The reason behind this is so as not to get rid of blood, semen, saliva, hair or anything that can be used as evidence of rape.
Decide whether or not you want to report the rape though you do not have to make this decision immediately.
Get medicine to prevent unwanted pregnancies, HIV, and other sexually transmitted infections or diseases. After a medical examination at the hospital, the doctor should give you a morning-after pill to prevent pregnancy, antibiotics to prevent possible STIs and antiretroviral treatment for 28 days to prevent contacting HIV. This is called post exposure prophylaxis (PEP).
Get support to help you recover by consulting a counsellor, speaking to trusted family and friends.

LIABILITY:
The law on sex and sexual behaviour is designed for the safety of everyone in their relationships, especially children and young people.
Rape, paedophilia and incest have recently become an infamous practice across Nigeria, hence, the urgent need for enforcement agencies to step up their game against the perpetrators of these heinous crimes.
The various laws that govern the offence of rape in Nigeria are:
The Criminal Code section 357 and 358 (applicable in all the southern states).
The Penal Code section 282 (applicable in all the Northern states).
The Criminal Laws of Lagos state section 258(applicable only in Lagos state).
The violence against persons prohibition act-VAPP (applicable in Abuja and few states)
Anybody convicted of rape shall be liable to a life imprisonment sentence while attempted rape is 14 years imprisonment.
Rape unlike sex is a traumatic experience that impacts its victims in a physical, psychological and sociological way. Though the effect and aftermath of rape differ among victims, individuals tend to suffer from similar issues found within these three categories. Hence, seeking support and professional resources may assist the victim of rape in numerous ways.
In conclusion, sex is amoral, it is either a beautiful expression of love, or a destructive crime; it all depends on us to decide what we want it to be. When SEX becomes RAPE, it is not a pleasant experience, it is a crime. Young girls (and boys in some instances) have lost their lives to this crime. Families have lost loved ones to this hideous crime. Communities, states and nations have lost valuable assets and individuals to this crime. The world yearns for a solution to this issue and the answer lies in our hands – go back to the drawing board and learn the act of self-love, accountability and respect for mankind.

We at Queen Grace Foundation are using this medium to re-emphasise our stance against the cruel act of rape and any form of sexual violence and abuse especially against the girl-child! Hence, if you have recently been abused sexually send us a message via our Email: info@queengracefoundation.org  or call us on +2348180000923 and we will step in to provide both legal support and referral to relevant bodies or organizations established specifically for this purpose. Rape is a crime, do not suffer in silence.